Marital Problems…
Is marriage disappearing from human society? In 1978, 28% as compared to a recent report in USA Today shows 39% of adults say marriage is becoming obsolete. Not only is there a high divorce rate but fewer people are getting married. Afraid to take the risk many are living together as partners opting to have and raise children out of wedlock and some churchgoers are concerned, should couples who live together and not married serve in the church as ushers, in music, etc…. I believe marriage is still respected and desired by the greater majority of Americans but let me know what you think?
In past years if you were a woman age 30 or 40, security of being married might have been important or if younger it may have been a way to get out of the house. Today women are more independent and many are focusing more on themselves and their careers and their lives aren’t defined by being a family (marriage and children), as years ago. More than 51% of households are headed by unmarried Americans and a growing number are weighing the benefits and risks toward making a big life path decision that colors the rest of their life.
Is all this worth thinking about? Fifty years ago our grandparents would not have thought of these concerns. Today it’s easier to think divorce with these kinds of statistics at the onset of marital problems instead of working on solutions to having an enjoyable marriage for many years and stages of marriage.
There are 3 stages in marriage you go through and if you make it through then you will have a good long life together as husband and wife. Marital problems are common and ongoing and can be fixed only when both individuals want them to go away. When problems are recognized, don’t live in denial. Immediately put in the work needed for fix keep them from escalating and leading to divorce.
There is no perfect marriage or one that exist without conflict whatever stage you are in. Sometimes love just isn’t enough to ensure success. So first, be selective in whom you date. Make time during the engagement to get to know one another more deeply. Talk about the big issues (communication, respect, love, happiness, and partnership). Ask questions about relationship with parents and siblings.
Lack of communication is a primary reason marriages fail. Entering a marriage with unrealistic expectations one can be shocked back to reality during the first communication breakdown, feel cheated, disappointed and often angry. Communication makes love possible and certainly better.
Another major problem in marriages today is control and dominance. Of course it has always existed but was considered acceptable for one partner, the man. Back in the day, a divorce was hard to get or almost impossible. They worked to work out their problems, their love grew deeper and remained married. Yet, I am led to believe that many couples that stayed together their marriages were no more functional or happy than today’s couples. Today women are more independent and/or have more resources to fall back on and are not accepting this as easily as did their mothers and are opting to be an equal contributing partner. Many will often quit and give up on their marriages after a few things go wrong.
A most common sign that a marriage is headed for trouble is when something else or someone else becomes more important to you than your mate. It could be something as simple as having a new hobby or spending too much time with friends instead of spending quality time with your mate. It could be as bad as having an affair and getting all the things you need (that you feel you are not getting in your marriage), such as sex, companionship, a sense of accomplishment, and the reason to wake-up every morning.
Marital problems always come from some sort of occurrence, behaviorial pattern, and/or change in the viewpoint of the marriage itself. Couples should seek relationship and marital counseling at any sign of trouble, (especially a first sign of physically or mentally abuse), with a counselor who not only listens but will also give guidance and help you look at your options. Women are usually open to the idea of professional help whereas men generally find it harder to take.
There are always challenges and seemingly another bridge to cross. I know, you probably are thinking “you” are doing all the right things to make your marriage work but it takes two to make it happen. One of the hardest things for people to understand is if you love someone it important to forgive and to be forgiven. It’s okay to argue as long as you fight fair. Most important full responsibility and true commitment to self-development must be the foundation for the healing.
Work on your marriage each day to keep it together. Communication is key. Every marriage needs to be worked on and energized. You are not the only ones with marital problems – people can be great pretenders. Most people you see who seemingly have it together outside of their home are not doing as well inside of their home. People can be convincing when putting on an act for others. One of the worst thing a married couple can do is pretend everything is alright when it really is not. Ignoring the problems merely compounds the damage the longer it goes untreated.
http://www.wikihow.com/Have-a-Healthy-Relationship
http://www.torchleader.com/tl/2008/11/the-three-stages-of-marriage-b.html
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/11198/ten_warning_signs_to_tell_if_your_marriage.html?cat=41
http://marriage.about.com/cs/trustissues/ht/rebuildtrust.htm